Dear December 13

With this being the holiday season I thought it appropriate to send out a few greetings to some very special people in my life:

Dear Wal-Mart.com,
Thank you for sending me ‘Bratz: The Movie.’ The thing is – I didn’t order it – and I would have much rather preferred to receive the correct package. Never again will I place my trust in your order fulfillment capabilities. Hope you have a great year in 2008.

Dear Amazon.com,
Thank you for getting me what I originally ordered from Wal-Mart.com. You have saved Christmas. I’m looking forward to a long-lasting relationship in 2008 and many years to come.

Dear JCrew.com,
I’ve been a very good girl this year and I understand that you won’t lower the price on your down puffer vest until after Christmas, but I just wanted to let you know that I will continue to be a good girl. I have every intention of purchasing the goosedown puffer vest in deep surf as long as the price drops 40% after the holiday – otherwise – I may have to boycott – for an indefinite period of time.

Dear driver of the Subaru Outback going 60 mph in the fast lane,
Thank you for providing me the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful scenery of Davis County on my way into work. For instance, can you see the birdie in my car? Gorgeous isn’t it?

Dear Landlord,
Thank you for our craptastic dishwasher. My roommates and I really enjoy washing the same load of dishes 5 times. If UT goes into a state of emergency due to drought, I will hold you responsible. Merry Christmas.