Dear Moses + the Red Sea,

Ready for a pun?
Oh ye of little faith!

Looks like science is trying to steal all the glory on this one:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-11383620

Dear ROI,

(that's return on investment)

A new dress.
New shoes.
Manicure.
Styled hair.
Make up.
In a completely humble way, I looked good.
Add a handsome "friend".

You get a really fun night.
REALLY fun night.

Even though another person wore the same dress as me.
That didn't ruin it.

A lot of investment.
A lot of return.

Dear "friend" requests on Facebook,

I refuse to feel bad about ignoring you.
I didn't know you in high school and know even less about you now.
I most certainly will not have a change in heart 8 years after graduating.

Dear work,

Boo.

Dear This is It,

....and no, I don't mean Michael Jackson.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
So.
Much.
Better.
Than the King of Pop.

Dear RIP,

To the squirrel who is now roadkill on Sunnyside Ave.
Thanks to me.

I'm so sorry little guy (or maybe girl).
I'm a murderer.

Not a great way to start a Friday.

Dear Long Time Coming,

It only took 8 years of living in Utah to get my first speeding ticket.