Dear FB Identity Fraud,

It's a conspiracy.

Seriously?!

SERIOUSLY?!

Did I somehow manage to upset the wrong person?

Sincerely,

Still completely clueless concerning the identity of ANY secret crush

Dear Celebs of the movie Hancock,

(aka Will Smith, Jason Bateman & Charlize Theron)

Bad move on your part and your agent's on deciding to star in that horrid movie. Two thumbs WAY down.

Dear Gym Employee

Thank you for making my day and not charging me for my replacement card. I'm glad you and I see eye-to-eye on the fact that paying $10 for a piece of plastic is ridiculous.

Dear Inadequacy

I do not like you.

Dear High Horses

I seem to be working with a lot of people who are on you lately. Would you mind bucking some of them off? Preferably next to a huge mud puddle?

Dear Last Lecture Series

Can we stop it with the athletic team meet and greets?

I'd rather learn doctrine.

You know, what the gospel is all about.

Faith.

Repentance.

Scripture study.

Enduring.

Jesus.

Dear BYU

I'm so proud you crushed UCLA last Saturday. Even though it was a blowout and I prefer closer games, I'm glad we were on the winning end.

Go cougars.