Thursday, December 13, 2007

Dear December 13

With this being the holiday season I thought it appropriate to send out a few greetings to some very special people in my life:

Dear Wal-Mart.com,
Thank you for sending me ‘Bratz: The Movie.’ The thing is – I didn’t order it – and I would have much rather preferred to receive the correct package. Never again will I place my trust in your order fulfillment capabilities. Hope you have a great year in 2008.

Dear Amazon.com,
Thank you for getting me what I originally ordered from Wal-Mart.com. You have saved Christmas. I’m looking forward to a long-lasting relationship in 2008 and many years to come.

Dear JCrew.com,
I’ve been a very good girl this year and I understand that you won’t lower the price on your down puffer vest until after Christmas, but I just wanted to let you know that I will continue to be a good girl. I have every intention of purchasing the goosedown puffer vest in deep surf as long as the price drops 40% after the holiday – otherwise – I may have to boycott – for an indefinite period of time.

Dear driver of the Subaru Outback going 60 mph in the fast lane,
Thank you for providing me the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful scenery of Davis County on my way into work. For instance, can you see the birdie in my car? Gorgeous isn’t it?

Dear Landlord,
Thank you for our craptastic dishwasher. My roommates and I really enjoy washing the same load of dishes 5 times. If UT goes into a state of emergency due to drought, I will hold you responsible. Merry Christmas.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dear Life - December 12

Dear Work,
Thanks for letting me have such great co-workers. I promise the emailing, skyping, phone calls, lunches and walks around the building are all work-related.

Dear TV stations,
Thank you for posting your shows online for those of us who are too cheap to subscribe to cable.

Dear Office Refrigerator,
Will you please stay cold so my milk doesn't spoil after one week?

Dear TreadClimber,
Thank you for burning so many calories in one hour. With you I have a shot at Biggest Loser.

Dear Car Manual,
Thank you for providing such clear instructions on how to replace a headlight. Even though it was freezing outside, it only took me 20 minutes.

Dear Roommates,
Thank you for not locking our front door. I can't wait for someone to break in and steal all my stuff, while I'm sleeping.

Dear Christmas,
Do you think you can become a week-long holiday? I won't ask for 8 days like Hanukkah, but I think 5 days isn't too much to ask.