Saturday, December 22, 2007
Don't blow it against UCLA. I need to be able to brag to all my CA friends.
Dear Sleeping in,
It's been such a long time since we've seen each other. There's no better feeling than waking up at noon. Looking forward to 5 more days of this.
Dear CA Drivers,
I used to think all bad drivers lived in UT - I was wrong. FACT: When merging on the freeway, you increase speed - you don't brake - especially when there is nobody in the lane next to you.
No matter how long I live in Utah and no matter what people in Utah say, Christmas is best when you can go outside with no jacket, gloves, scarf or boots. Thank you for the 65 degree weather. I love winter in California.
Dear Mother's Baking,
Nothing makes me love life more than homemade rolls and banana bread.
Friday, December 21, 2007
If I could be snowboarding right now or sometime over the weekend, I would be very happy to have you around. Unfortunately, I am leaving to CA and you have delayed my flight. I hate you.
Dear Delta Automated Customer Service Voice,
Thank you for informing me that my flight was delayed. If you had told me it was canceled or rescheduled for tomorrow, I would have had to throw my phone. And then IT would have not been very happy with me.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I'm so glad you were born and that we are friends. Happy Freaking Birthday.
Thank you for being such a wonderful sister who calls me to tell me the roads are bad and I need to be very very careful. It's good to be loved.
Dear my favorite Missourian,
Thank you for driving me home safely last night - you and the Subaru handled the unplowed roads very nicely. And the heated seat was a dream come true.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Thank you for making me late to my 9:30 status call.
Dear 9:30 status call,
Thank you for making me hate life.
Thank you for dying 10 minutes after 9:30 status call as I was in the middle of drafting a conference report.
Hope you are okay with getting what you need after Christmas - and actually - I don't care if you're not. Scheduling during the holidays is a ______.
Dear email that I never sent out and now it's too late and pointless to do so,
Whoops and my bad.
Dear lunch that didn't quite cut it,
I wish you had been twice as big.
Please be 6pm so I can shut down my computer, leave my desk and not think about work for at least 12 hours.
Looking forward to seeing you tonight to blow off steam from the day.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I love you - really I do - but I also love sleeping - especially when it's 2am. FACT: even though we live in an old house and it's rather sturdy, the walls are regrettably NOT sound barriers. I've been patient, but I don't know how much longer it can last, so don't be surprised if I bang pots and pans one morning as I get up to go the gym. Sleep tight!
Dear GNC Nutrionalist,
Thank you for your chipper service this afternoon. Even though I didn't take you up on your recommendation for your favorite supplement 'Milk Muscle,' I am very much looking forward to the PB and Banana Myoplex shake. Yummy.
Thank you for once again providing a wonderful lunch and the aroma of fresh grilled meat - which I can still smell on me. Tasty.
Dear Blackberry Messenger,
Thank you for not transmitting my urgent message to my buddy Sara Jane last night. Luckily she managed to carry out the BFL cardio routine on her own - but next time I expect better transmission - in fact, next time, I actually EXPECT the message to SEND and be RECEIVED. We're talking about a total body transformation in 84 days, and for that I need top-of-the-line service. Thanks.
So excited you are having a boy - even though I wanted you to have a girl so you could be my sister's doppelganger - but two boys will be fun. The world needs cute men and with you raising them, it's a for sure thing. Congratulations!
Dear Advertising Parable,
Thank you for accurately representing life at an advertising agency. Bravo!
Dear Sugar-Free Jello,
If it wasn't for you, I'd be eating my arm. Bon appetit.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thank you for sending me ‘Bratz: The Movie.’ The thing is – I didn’t order it – and I would have much rather preferred to receive the correct package. Never again will I place my trust in your order fulfillment capabilities. Hope you have a great year in 2008.
Thank you for getting me what I originally ordered from Wal-Mart.com. You have saved Christmas. I’m looking forward to a long-lasting relationship in 2008 and many years to come.
I’ve been a very good girl this year and I understand that you won’t lower the price on your down puffer vest until after Christmas, but I just wanted to let you know that I will continue to be a good girl. I have every intention of purchasing the goosedown puffer vest in deep surf as long as the price drops 40% after the holiday – otherwise – I may have to boycott – for an indefinite period of time.
Dear driver of the Subaru Outback going 60 mph in the fast lane,
Thank you for providing me the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful scenery of
Thank you for our craptastic dishwasher. My roommates and I really enjoy washing the same load of dishes 5 times. If UT goes into a state of emergency due to drought, I will hold you responsible. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Thanks for letting me have such great co-workers. I promise the emailing, skyping, phone calls, lunches and walks around the building are all work-related.
Dear TV stations,
Thank you for posting your shows online for those of us who are too cheap to subscribe to cable.
Dear Office Refrigerator,
Will you please stay cold so my milk doesn't spoil after one week?
Thank you for burning so many calories in one hour. With you I have a shot at Biggest Loser.
Dear Car Manual,
Thank you for providing such clear instructions on how to replace a headlight. Even though it was freezing outside, it only took me 20 minutes.
Thank you for not locking our front door. I can't wait for someone to break in and steal all my stuff, while I'm sleeping.
Do you think you can become a week-long holiday? I won't ask for 8 days like Hanukkah, but I think 5 days isn't too much to ask.